AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: DATE: 7/31/2002 02:36:00 AM ----- BODY:
You wanna smoke and a pancake? I had a very pleasant moviegoing experience tonight. I saw Austin Powers in Goldmember, and it was very pleasing. Especially for a second sequel to a comedy. And I look forward to another sure-to-be-wonderful moviegoing experience this week: I plan to attend the opening of M.Night Shyalaman's new movie Signs on Friday night. There are a number of reasons why I look foward to this movie very much. One of the big ones is that I, being me, really eat up all that shit about aliens and crop circles and general metaphysical creepiness (not that I eat shit, per se...I...oh, hell.). I like movies where most of the setting is darkness split by flashlights. I like the idea of aliens eating people's brains. Yes. I also like M. Night Shyamalan, or, at least, I highly enjoyed his work with The Sixth Sense. I hear that this movie has a typically twisty ending, and I look forward to that too. As long as it doesn't go cheesy on me. There's nothing worse than a thriller movie becoming unintentionally humorous. But I have faith. But, of course, the biggest reason I look forward to Signs is that I will once again be reunited with my one and only true love, my beautiful, wonderful, incandescent Joaquin Phoenix. I haven't seen him on the big screen since Gladiator--since then, due to cruel circumstance, I've been forced to watch his two other more recent movies, Quills and The Yards on video. Not that Joaquin in the privacy of my own home isn't a wonderful thing, but there's something about the big screen, the larger-than-life-ness, that I have definitely not gotten my RDA of with him. Oh, my minions, I love my boy. I love his luminous green eyes, his impossibly long lashes, his goofy smile, his jet-black tresses, his sensuous lips. Even as Commodus he made my blood boil. Especially in one of the deleted scenes I have on my Special Edition DVD of Gladiator, the one where he executes the two Praetorians who "let" Maximus go...the one where he stands between the men when they get shot with crossbows and does this look with his head down...Shit. If they could bottle that and sell it, I'd never leave my house again. So Friday, I have a date with Joaquin. I'll walk in there and sit in the musty seats with my big ol' buttery bag o' popcorn, sucking suggestively on the straw of my large Pepsi, and watch those eyes light up the theater, watch him bend and twist and squish and stretch himself into another person...many other people, but all with the same bewitching face. I'll smile to myself and mouth to the screen, Mama's missed you, sugar. And for the record, yes. I know exactly how terrifying I am.