AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: DATE: 6/29/2004 09:06:00 PM ----- BODY:

No Wire Hangers!

Okay, I admit it, I'm a mess. I don't blame you if you want to bitch-slap me for being stressed out after the way I carried on about living at home for so long. Hell, I want to bitch-slap myself. But I can't help it. For the past two days I've walked around feeling like someone just gave me two quick punches to the stomach. I can't quite swallow, I can't quite draw a breath. Everything costs money. There's not a thing I do besides breathe that the meter's not running on--and if you think about it, breathing indirectly costs money since it's contingent on other things that cost money, such as eating. I've been such a spoiled brat my whole life that I don't know how to handle suddenly having to pay for things like electricity. But Daddy. I thought electricity was free, like water. What do you mean, water's not free either? So I've been neurotic. Stumbling around my apartment in the dark because I don't want to turn on the light. I slept in a puddle of sweat last night because I didn't want to leave the fan running. I even nervously inquired of my mother how much electricity the plug-in air freshener would use. My mother took me grocery shopping for my birthday. The groceries came to $120.00. I almost cried. Now, I don't want to eat anything because all I can think of is that I think I'm eating potato chips, when really I'm eating fistfuls of nickels and dimes. I suppose this was to be expected. I am well aware of how shitty I am at dealing with transition. Eventually, I know, I'll be comfortable with all this. I'll come in singing, "Honey, I'm home!" and tumbling onto my pristine fluffy bed--or perhaps my chic slipcovered couch--with a blissful smile worthy of a fabric-softener commercial, but for now...for now I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just happier chasing after that elusive fabric-softener day than I am when it actually comes.