AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: DATE: 6/08/2004 04:18:00 PM ----- BODY:

One Hand, Both Cheeks, Nothin' But Net

Some serious trash talk has been goin' down in cubicleland, uh huh. The other day: Background: My department is set up on one wing of the building, and the only passageway out is a gap between my cubicle and Patrick's cubicle, which is too narrow for two people to fit through. We constantly have "traffic jams" with two people arriving at this "intersection" at the same time and going opposite directions. Meanwhile, a long time ago at work I put my foot in my mouth (me?!?!?! NEVER!!) and tried to say something to Patrick about how he's a chick magnet (which he is--all his friends are female and he's constantly talking about how they drive him crazy). One thing led to another, and eventually it turned into Pig Pile on Beth, with Patrick and Doug accusing me of calling Patrick ugly. Since then they haven't let it go--they ambush me when I least expect it with stuff like, "Geez, Beth, first you call Pat ugly, and THEN you..." It's all in good fun.
Me (To Carl the Engineer): We need a two-lane road here. Carl (Doing his damndest to ignore me): Mmm. Me (loudly): Well, if it wasn't for PATRICK'S HUGE FRIGGIN CUBICLE TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE... Silence. I figure they're giving me the cold shoulder. Patrick (moments later, hanging up the phone): What did you say? Doug (before I can jump in): She's just calling you ugly again. Me: DAMMIT! Time passes. Me: You guys are never going to let that go, are you? Anything I say is always going to be turned somehow into Patrick being ugly. Is that how its gonna be? Patrick (Just getting off the phone...again...what are the odds?): What now? Doug (Again, before I can jump in): I think she said, no matter what, you'll always be ugly. Patrick: Oh. Me: Shit!
A scene that can only be described with the immortal line from Tim: "I slam-dunked your ass. One hand, both cheeks, nothin' but net." Then, today, Bernadette came whirling into the Sales Dept. to bug Patrick about something. Patrick and Bernadette often butt heads (good-naturedly, though) about dividing up parts and components work, and what constitutes parts and what constitutes components, and they're kind of locked in this contest to see who can shove more work over to the other one's side because neither of them really has time to do it. Every so often, then, Bernadette will come trilling through, with her veddy Are You Being Served? British accent, and wheedle Patrick to do something or another. Patrick often reacts rather snappishly. Today, just now he uttered the following gem, which caused me immediately to fire up Blogger and break my No Blogging About Work Rule:
Patrick to Bernadette: God--d--would you--what the--(completely flustered) You are like a cat that brings dead animals into the house!!