AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: DATE: 7/10/2004 12:44:00 PM ----- BODY:

Belated Birthday

So I'm 24 now. Which is almost 25, which is damn near 30, which means I have about six or so years to get my act together before I'm officially a Failure. At least it's still a number greater than five. That keeps me calm for now as my mind whispers, "30...30...30...end of the line...30..." I am being ridiculous, of course. Last night we went to K's apartment for some fabulous birthday fun, as it was her roommate Fallon's birthday also. After a goodly number of Jell-O shots, we were lolling on the couch when Ryan busted loose with the following story, which I will attempt to recreate here:
So we're at the Papa Gino's gettin' pizza and I get one of those two slice deals. My order comes to like six somethin'. Give the girl a ten and she gives me back like a dollar and the silver and I'm like, sorry, try again. So she just pulls a five outta the drawer and hands it to me and I'm like...okay. So I pocket the five, and just as we walk over to the table to eat this guy comes in, picture like Christopher Lloyd like he looked in Taxi Driver, leather jacket, fuckin' stubble everywhere... So he goes up and orders and the girl does the same thing to him, and all of a sudden he's like, "Hey, this is short three bucks," and the girl is like, arguin' with him, so they call the manager over, and my buddy says to me, "Hey, Ryguy, didn't she do the same thing to you for like three bucks?" and I'm like, "Oh, yeah, wouldn't it be weird if they counted the drawer and it came out the same on the guy?" And just then the guy says get the manager over here, and the manager comes over, and finally she says, "All right, sir, we'll count the drawer." Which takes a while, so we're eatin', and we finish our food and just as we're walkin' out the manager looks up at the guy and she says, "Sir. The drawer is spot-on." Spot-on, that's what she said, and I'm walkin' by goin', "I got that three bucks in my pocket!"
I hardly ever see Ryan when I'm sober, and this may factor into the delight I always take in his presence. He tells stories that make me want to just shut down this blog altogether. He tells stories, and tells them in such a way, that I know I will never tell a story like that, ever. I've said this before. But it also makes me laugh. Especially the description of the guy as Christopher Lloyd in Taxi Driver; that one set me off into a laugh-riot. Just as I reached the pinnacle of laughing, Fallon began to shoot the bubble gun at me, bathing me in perfect little rainbow-lescent orbs, and it was seriously, literally, one of the best moments of my entire life right then and there, laughing on K's couch while bubbles catch the light and Ryan sits back to soak in the adoration for his story and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas plays out on the TV at the other end of the room. Later we find True Romance on OnDemand. Ryan gives us the CliffsNotes version, fast forwarding with his own abbreviated summary of the plot, until he reaches the scene where Christopher Walken is interrogating the cop who is actually Christian Slater's father. "This scene'll change ya life, right here," Ryan keeps saying. In a way, it does. The scene, in which the cop/father refuses to give up his son to the mobster, is one of the more incredible depictions of the way people stand up to impossible situations. In fact, the whole movie (and why is it I always end up watching the most twisted movies when I go over to K and Fallon's apartment?) is like that, including and especially the fight between Alabama and the mobster played by James Gandolfini: just a cinematic exploration of what I have termed in the past "the eerie Zen of being totally fucked." Not that I'm totally fucked, of course. But it helps me worry less about the possibility of being totally fucked when I see just how crazy-beautiful it can be.