AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: DATE: 7/16/2004 04:14:00 PM ----- BODY:

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home

Here's an actual, completely un-retouched email I received today in my work inbox. What you must remember is that I receive these emails when visitors to our company website (which is chock-full of visual aids, by the way) fill out a text form that asks for very specific information about heavy industrial equipment most people could figure out fairly quickly (this is where the visual aids come in) does not apply to their lives.   Another thing you need to remember is that a monorail in our case is a type of heavy industrial equipment and not a happy choo-choo train like the one at Epcott Center. Okay? Get all that? Then you're smarter than this guy. 
To tell you the truth; I'm only a railroad buff!   And, have been since I first started going down to the Depot to watch the Troop Trains go by in 1942 during World War II. But; I've had an interest in monorails beginning when Disney land first opened. Because; that was when I had the privilege of being "FIRED" by Walt Disney himself, for taking the Monorail through the Disneyland Hotel at speeds in excess of 45 mph.   Sure; I made a mistake by doing it!   But; since it was "Employee's" night, and the last night of the year that Disneyland was open.   The other employees wanted to see how fast it would go.   So, I opened-up the throttle; and we completely circumnavigated the park in less than 10 minutes!    But; what we didn't know at the time, was that Walt Disney himself was standinmg in the shadows, and watched everything!   The only thing was; that I was the only employee "FIRED" for doing it!   In fact, I was even given a lapel pin; to verify that I had operated the monorail.   Now; anytime one of my friends goes down there; everybody wants to know how I'm doing.  Since they know that I'm  "handicapped" now; and can't even get-out of Tulare County anymore!
Thank God and Baby Jebus it's fucking Friday.