AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: DATE: 8/26/2004 08:37:00 PM ----- BODY:

Top Five Stupidest Things I've Seen All Day

5. Myself, driving a grand total of 250 miles today to take pictures of cranes. 4. People consistently tailgating me in the right-hand lane of a three-lane highway while the other two lanes were wide open. 3. A man going about 45 on 495 down near the Cape, driving erratically with his right blinker on for about five miles, while the left lane remained blocked so I couldn't get around him. When I finally did get around him, I discovered the reason for his driving ineptitude: he was quite visibly digging for a hard-to-reach booger deep in his right nostril. 2. Myself, swearing up and down, all the way into Borders, that I was going to walk in, buy the one thing I wanted to get Steve for his birthday, and walk out, and then making it about five feet before being assaulted by new nonfiction and going on to spend $76 in books, and then trying for Steve's discount, being told we really need to be married for it to work but she'll ring it up this time, but don't do it again, and walking out being afraid that my book addiction problem had actually interfered with my boyfriend's job. 1. There is a bridge down the street from my house that is currently under repair. And down to one lane on either side where before it was two lanes on either side. There is a hospital almost directly on the other side of this bridge. Tonight, the two collided horribly as a cop car and an ambulance, sirens screeching, came flying around the corner Blues-Brothers-style, obviously in a real snit to get to the hospital. Problem: certain assfucks conveniently "forget" that the bridge is not two lanes for the time being, and creep up in a non-lane alongside other people, and then cut them off. Thus there was no place for people to pull aside to let the ambulance / cop car through. So the cop car / ambulance went into the opposite lane, which at the time was free of traffic due to the light on the other side of the bridge being red. Finally, though, the light changed. So as I rounded the bend to my house, fading behind me in my rearview mirror was a truly astonishing amalgamation of flashing lights, brake lights, sirens, lots of blaring horns and screaming. Just another peaceful journey home.