DATE: 9/30/2004 01:46:00 PM
Lunatics 'Bout to Steal the Show
"You've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night and they can vote." --Bill O'Reilly, to Jon Stewart
What's scary is how many people don't realize Bill O'Reilly is quite possibly more full of shit than any human being ever to walk the Earth, and they can vote.
I'm tired. I'm tired of people's meanness and the insoluble arguments that never seem to leave my surroundings or leave me out of them. Sox vs. Yankees. Republicans vs. Democrats. Everything. I'm tired of ugliness and everyone thinking they know how to run everyone else's lives and no one getting a break and the fact I have to work two jobs just to make enough money to live AND do what I'm good at, while Steve gets little more than the shaft for showing up at work every day.
How ruthless and cunning and backstabbing and savage and self-abusive you have to be just to make ends meet in this country is going to ruin everything. It's going to erode human relationships. No wonder we have high school shooters. When their parents have to work 75 hours a week just to put clothes on the friggin' kids, how do we expect them to be raised right? No wonder we have workplace violence. When more and more people are working longer and harder for less pay and benefits, what the fuck do you expect?
Argh. I'm really doing some championship whining today. I apologize. I'm just allll bentouttashape today. Probably just hormonal. I'll soon be on the rag and you can just disregard the anger contained herein.
For a couple of months there, I was floating, and it was quite nice. I'd accomplished a goal. I was adjusting, growing accustomed, putting things off. Now things are crushing back in on me again. I'm turning around a corner. I hate corners. I hate change. I hate uncertainty. I hate transition.
That kind of leaves me SOL, doesn't it?
I'm really sick of my job right now. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I'm sick of the way my coworkers act sometimes. Most days I just sit here without human contact for eight or nine hours, and that's just fine with everyone. I've always been the odd girl out here. Hell, they gave me a new job because certain people just decided they didn't like me, and that's the way it stayed. But "we didn't like her, I don't know, she rubbed us the wrong way," isn't really legal grounds for termination.
But I just don't understand it sometimes. The few times I'm foolish enough to open my mouth and make a comment, the response I get is appalling more often than not.
A coworker--a new guy, he's only worked here like two or three weeks--was talking about something and said something like, "I wouldn't have done it. I don't care what he said, I wouldn't have done it like that."
"I woulda double bagged it," I said from my cubicle. You know, just an offhand comment.
Silence. Which I'm used to by now. Then, in a truly nasty, annoyed tone of voice, my coworker said, "Is someone talking to me?"
"Yeah," I said. "I am."
"What the hell are you talking about?" he snarled.
Whoa. Maybe I didn't understand what was being discussed, but shit. Do I deserve that?
"Nothing," I said. Never mind."
Another silence. And then, as scornfully deadpan as you can imagine, "...Yeah. Never mind."
Holy Jesus, what crawled up your tailpipe and died?
Ever feel like gum on someone else's shoe?
I am slowly going crazy crazy going slowly am I 123456 switch.
Things are coming to a head. Things are going to be changing soon, for better or for worse. I can feel it coming back again like a rolling thunder chasing the wind. What the fuck, life, give me a breather, goddamnit.
Like the alternative rock and roll group Prick said in their first, last, and only self titled album, "There are no fair fights before you're dead...
"I didn't know
That it could go this far
I didn't know
What the fuck, life. What. the. fuck.