AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: Horrorscope DATE: 12/20/2004 11:46:00 AM ----- BODY:
My horoscope for today says the following:
Over the centuries, numerous ships carrying treasure have suffered mishaps and sunk to the bottom of the world's oceans. Most have remained there undisturbed, their gold and jewels seemingly lost forever. In the last decade, though, teams of treasure hunters have developed high-tech recovery equipment that allows them to locate and extract the sunken riches. I believe that there will be a comparable development in your life in the coming months, Cancerian. You'll find ways to access valuables from the past--stuff you had always assumed was irretrievable. Your first project will become apparent soon. Here are a few symbolic holiday gifts you might consider buying yourself: sonar, a diving suit, a treasure chest.
I looked it up because today has been such a star-crossed day from the beginning that was curious to see whether or not there would be any correlation between what the stars had predicted for me this morning and what has actually occurred. While the above is actually pretty insightful, a more accurate horoscope for me today would have been the following:
CANCER Wow, YOU are in a pisser of a mood today, aren't you, Cancer? This is because the moon is trine with Uranus--in other words, you've got something galactically huge up your ass. You are ridiculously defensive, taking everything personally, and find it difficult to keep from starting fights today. Your mind is like a drugged-up pit bull: ready to snap at anything. That time of the month, huh, Cancer. Just try to get through the day without killing anyone, Cancer, and tomorrow there'll be a soothing shift in the alignment of the planets. Hey, if this astrologer's sign was the name of a deadly disease, I'd probably be pissed off too.
Even I don't know what my friggen problem is today.