AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: A New CAR!! DATE: 3/25/2005 07:59:00 AM ----- BODY:
This morning, Steve woke me up a little just before he left for work, and that tiny crack my eyes open allowed the thought in that my brand new car was sitting outside, and after that, I didn't manage to stay in bed more than fifteen more minutes. I got to work an hour early today, despite stopping at Dunk's for some coffee and a breakfast sandwich (finally! I got the breakfast sandwich! It cost me eighteen grand and change...but by God, here it is!*) Meanwhile, I've had the Price is Right theme song in my head since waking up, because every time I look at my new vehicle I'm reminded of the times on that show where they'd be revealing the prize, and Rod Roddy would holler, "A new CAR!!" and you'd hear the audience just go ballistic, because nothing got them hyped up as much as a new CAR!! unless it was a boat. And the contestant with her Farrah-Fawcett hair and big buck teeth (remember, the last time I watched The Price is Right was when I was home sick from elementary school, and that was in the mid-80's) would clap her French-manicured hands together and snort, "Oh GARSH." When I came out of the house this morning, there she was, gleaming grey-silver-green under a thin limning of frost. She made all the other cars look like ugly ducklings. I pressed the button on my new keychain and she chirped, "beeeeeep beep." Unlocked. Oh GARSH. Not everyone's as impressed, though, I guess. Today when I was talking about my new car someone said, "What kind of car is it?" And I said, proudly, "A 2005 Toyota Camry LE." Proudly because I believe in Japanese automobiles. Sorry if that makes me a liberal commie bastard, but to me, it's a no-brainer. Hmm, let's see, I can get up to 38 miles to the gallon (highway), it'll start up every time I put my key in the ignition, and the transmission won't fall out of it three times on its way to 100,000-plus miles. Honestly, no matter what Ann Coulter wants to tell you, I don't hate America. I just hate American cars. Ending up elbows-deep under the hood of two different Chrysler vehicles in rush-hour traffic on the lower deck of I-93 will do that do a person. So anyway, I identify my vehicle to this person, and he says to me, "I really hate Jap cars. But that's good for you, I suppose." I was like, what is this, 1942?!?! Who says such a thing!? I stammered out something, and he said something back, something about how they were good if you didn't know anything about cars and fixing them yourself (you know, something else snarky and asshole-y), but all I could think of was, did you really just say 'Jap'?!?!!?!?" Whatever. My Jap car is still a dreamboat. And she and I will still, God willing and no Chevy vans, be racing off into the sunset when you're on your third Ford truck. _______________________________________________________ * For those of you just joining us, I was thinking about getting a breakfast sandwich the morning I ended up getting into the accident.