TITLE: Remember-When Girl
DATE: 3/10/2005 04:57:00 PM
The other week I was hanging out with some friends, and I started rambling on incessantly about stuff that happened years ago, my every sentence seeming to begin with "remember when...?" until K interrupted with: "Dude, you are like, Remember-When Girl tonight."
Meanwhile, though it seems impossible, I have not always had this blog. As a a matter of fact, I have only had this blog for three-plus of my just-shy of twenty five years on this planet. So I decided I'd start a new feature on my blog, maybe on Fridays, (in homage to Sheila's Diary Fridays), called "Remember-When Girl", where I'd tell a story from the primitive and murky past before I had this blog.
I am aware that today is not Friday. However, tomorrow will be spent driving my rental car to New Jersey and filing accident reports. So pretend it's Friday for the purposes of this post.
Without further ado--
Our first story happened to my friends Tim and Brandon, not me. In fact, it happened before I met them.
A word about Tim and Brandon: they only met their freshman year in high school, but it seems as though they've known each other their whole lives. More to the point, a surprising majority of people meeting them for the first time ask or assume they're brothers. Some even think they are fraternal twin brothers, because of the way they seem to be able to communicate subconsciously. They spend less time together now than they used to, but at one point (including during the time period in which this story takes place) were completely inseperable. They have a number of stories that seem enriched by the others' presence in them--whether by their communication to one another during some form of disaster or conflict or by the sheer look on the other's face at something hilarious.
They've told me this story so many times, it feels like I was there, too. Tim said that when it happened, Brandon laughed as hard as he's ever seen him laugh, which is believable because Brandon doesn't guffaw too often. Tim, meanwhile, said he had tears streaming down his face almost immediately. They said this reaction was only heightened by the fact that when one of them starts to laugh, the other usually finds it contagious, and then sets the first one off again, and so on. They've actually had to pull over in the car because of this phenomenon on other occasions.
The story is this: Tim and Brandon's high school's senior class attended a show by a stand-up comedian as part of senior week. As they tell it, the comedian was pretty terrible. One of the "popular girls" in one of the front rows started snarking on the comedian, from where he could hear her. Keep in mind, this girl's about 17 years old, and so are most of the 300+ kids watching the show. And most people--including Brandon and Tim--hated her.
After a few minutes of this popular girl heckling the comedian, he finally turned on her.
"I know you!" he said, pointing at her. "I know exactly who you are. I went to high school myself with *dozens* of girls like you...you...you...CUM. GUZZLING. Dumpster. WHORE."
In the ensuing mayhem, the comedy show was summarily called off.
Special Bonus Premier Episode Double Issue!
(Actually, I wrote this one up, too, earlier today when Blogger was being a bitch, and I just don't want to forget to post it.)
Here's another one about Brandon and Tim.
Once, very late at night, we went to a Chinese restaurant for some munchies. Brandon ordered chicken fingers.
When his order was ready, the woman behind the counter called out the number of his order, but Brandon wasn't paying attention. She called it out again. Brandon still wasn't paying attention. Finally, holding up the little paper bag with his chicken fingers inside, she said loudly, "Chicken finger?"
Except, with her accent, she actually said "CHICKEH FINGA??"
And Brandon, suddenly snapping out of his reverie, completely involuntarily parroted back, "CHICKEH FINGA???"
Tim, standing next to him, looked over and said, quietly, "Dumbass."
Every so often we still look over at Brandon and say, "CHICKEH FINGA???"