AUTHOR: Beth TITLE: You Know You Are Addicted to Blogging When... DATE: 3/04/2005 03:16:00 PM ----- BODY:
I got nothing today. I think my rant about Good Will Hunting sapped what's left of my mental juices. So here are parts of a few memes I found. I don't like / understand / agree with all of them, so I'm not putting them up as a whole, but there were things that made me snicker in each: From "You Know You're from Massachusetts When":
You actually enjoy driving around rotaries. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus. You have never been to Cheers. You know how to make a frappe. You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one. You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape". You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year round You order iced coffee in January You know what a "regular" coffee is Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.
From "You Know You're From New Hampshire When":
You drive a Suburu
Come on, that's some funny shit. From "You Know You're From Rhode Island When":
You celebrate "birt-day" If your oldah brodah is a retad. If you had a "wickit" good time at the beach. When you hear an amazing fact your immidiate reply is "no suh!"
I have to tell you, due to my experiences with Stephen in "Rho Dylant" (Rhode Island:Where Steve's from::New Hampshire:Where I'm from), those gave me quite a chuckle. More:
You've gone to "Legs and Eggs".
I haven't been to this, but Steve's told me about it. It's a breakfast special at a strip joint. I shit you not.
You know what a burger "The Newport Creamery Way" is.
I don't, but I've been to the Newport Creamery. Great ice cream. And these are just funny:
You've personally met Vinnie Paz. Your idea of a dream house is a raised ranch. You always start giving directions by saying, "Well, you get on 95"
But the best "You know you are from ______ when..." is "You Know You Are From North Dakota When". I can verify the following as true from personal or secondhand experience:
East means to Fargo. You know several people who have hit a buffalo. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way. You only lock your car in August, so it doesn't get filled with zucchini. You think 4 major food groups are: beef, chokecherry wine, pork and Jell-O with marshmallows.
Oh, my God, the Jell-O. You have no idea.
You carry a blizzard survival kit in your car 12 months a year. You find 3 feet of snow a minor inconvenience. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more, but McDonalds are spread out every 100 miles. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. You know Ole & Lena personally.
That one cracked me up. Because my grandparents seriously know someone called "Ole Olafson."
People borrow things to you. You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it isn't worth taking them off for only two months. You think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys. Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there. You're polite to telemarketers. You go to a high school basketball game, the score is 12-8 at halftime... and you don't think there's anything strange about that. You think that "UFF DA" is a standard English phrase. Your dog dies, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and the first thought that comes to your mind is, "It could be worse!" You think that ketchup is a little too spicy. You think of something other than the Bible when you hear the words "Great Flood".
That last one is serious. It refers to the "500-Year Flood" in 1997, in Grand Forks, which is where my grandparents live. It's called a "500-year Flood" because the water only crests that high once in 500 years. Which means that the last time the river flooded to that level, only the Sioux lived on the land. Whole neighborhoods were wiped out. There are famous images of the devastation downtown. The Grand Forks Herald won the Pulitzer Prize. Shortly after the flood, when my family and I went to visit my grandparents, we took a drive through the hardest-hit neighborhoods. We saw one house that had flooded up to the ceiling of the first floor...and then the roof and top floor were burned down to the same level. Though the above statements about being "polite to telemarketers", as insane as they sound to someone from the East Coast, are true, spray painted on the side of one house in the flooded-out neighborhoods that summer was an angry "LOOTERS--NEXT YEAR, YOUR HOUSE!!!" Anyway. And finally, "You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When":
Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines. You step out of the room and realize that your roomates have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened. You turn up the volume read loud when leaving the room so you can hear if anyone IM's you. Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice that you've been to all of them. You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" LCD Flat-Panel Monitor. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest MP3's off Kazaa Lite. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back. The last hottie you picked up was only a jpeg. Your sweetie says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and network them together so that you can IM each other anytime. You message someone via IM when they are less than 20 feet away. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee. You're on the phone and say BRB. The last movie you've seen was on your Quicktime player.
This one, though, is the piece de resistance:
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
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